My Bad Boob

Day 1. FEC treatment 1. Slight 'taste' during administration of F. Slight tingling in nose during administration of C. Ate frozen orange juice chips and half an egg sandwich during infusions. Felt slightly woozy/heady after treatment. Good appetite afterwards. At least two litres of water and other fluids taken. Took all meds on time and felt ok overall. Slept well. Day 2. Took meds as prescribed. One or two fleeting moments of vague nausea, quickly averted by eating something. Appetite better than usual; ate very healthily throughout day. High fluid intake. Feeling good. Heart fluttering when laying on left side. Some palpitations/heart thumping through the day. Neulasta injection at 9pm. Slept well. Day 3. Feeling a bit 'hung over' on waking. Slower to get moving. Decide to cancel plans to go out for a walk as not feeling much energy, but after eating change mind again and head out for river walk. Short walk and play in river with kids. Pub meal afterwards with fr...

Day 3 and I'm not feeling too bad. In fact, I've felt so well that I wondered aloud last night if I'd been given a placebo. Two or three moments of feeling the tiniest hint of a delicate tummy - quickly staved off by eating something - has been about the worst of my side effects so far. This morning I woke up, after only about 5 hours' sleep, and tried to work out if I felt bad. Hard to tell, as I'm not a morning person anyway and never leap out of bed full of the joys of the new day. Day 2 - modelling my Buff Headwear , kindly given to me by a friend. Last night, Rob gave me my Neulasta injection. Not before I googled it, of course. Spleen rupture? Acute respiratory distress? Eeek. We phoned the chemo ward to check if I really needed to take it. The very understanding nurse reassured us that it was prescribed selectively only to patients who were felt would benefit. Neulasta works alongside chemo to rebuild red and white blood cell counts, with a view to reduci...

What a wild month. Days of feeling like this is the worst thing that could possibly happen to me. Days of thinking this is going to be the most amazing year of my life. Swimming in the depths of utter despair. The blackest of times. Understanding what it is like to not be able to get out of bed in the morning. The tears, how they have fallen. Hugs. Hugs like no other hugs I've received. I haven't been able to feel my own mother's arms around me, but the arms of many mothers have held me this month. I have sobbed into their necks, wetted their hair with my sadness. And though my dad is too far away to make it all better, I have felt the strength and protection in the arms of the fathers I know here. When you stare Death in his beady little eyes, you have two choices: curl up and give up, or Live. I have chosen the latter. Today marked the start of treatment. I have opted to have neo-adjuvant chemotherapy. Three cycles of FEC followed by three cycles of docetaxel. You can...